Update: Stephanie West-Allen sent me this link, saying it reminded her of this post below – thought the female TIS’rs might enjoy it: “Girlfriends Help Women Live Longer” at GNIF Brain Blogger.

I’ve been tagged by Julie Fleming-Brown of Life At The Bar to help kick off the second annual “Lawyers Appreciate” holiday meme started last year by Julie and Stephanie West-Allen of ideablawg and Brains on Purpose^(tm). I was also kindly tagged by the effervescent and indomitable Gini Nelson of Engaging Conflicts. In return, I’m tagging: jennifer j. rose of Staring At Strangers, Carolyn Elefant of My Shingle, and the redoubtable Spare Room Tycoon himself, Chuck Newton.

Lawyers Appreciate Their Friends

“Attitude of Gratitude.” It’s a phrase I’ve heard a lot this year, as personal and professional events conspired to make me anything but grateful, and I — like the stubborn Southern belle of Irish descent I am — refused to give in. Call me Scarlett. I dove into the whole “Law of Attraction” body of literature with gusto, thinking, “Either it works, and all’s well, or it doesn’t, and things will continue to divebomb, but at least I’ll go down with a smile on my face.” It seemed preferable to the alternative.

So every day I woke up and forced myself (sometimes painfully) to be grateful. Grateful for the roof over my head, the food in the refrigerator, and most of all, the lovely child with golden curls more often than not sleeping next to me (Princess Rule #1: Mommy’s bed is always more comfortable). Grateful for the law license that allowed me to eke out a living (no matter how pathetic). Grateful for the car that ran (if not exactly carrying us in air-conditioned comfort — a real problem in a coastal SC summer). I studiously ignored the parentheticals you were just forced to wade through and focused on the declaratives. I am grateful. I am grateful. I am grateful.

But there was one thing I couldn’t help but feel a wee twinge about when I ran through the litany of appreciation: friends. Not that I have none – I have a few exceedingly close ones, and several pretty darn good ones. But that none of them are here, with me, in this coastal SC town I call home. (And there are undoubtedly a few folks in this town reading this now thinking, “I thought I was her friend!” You are. Please understand, I’m not talking about acquaintances, or “hey, how are you?”-in-the-Starbucks-line friends or even “let’s have lunch” friends. I’m talking about “bail you out of jail” friends. I’m talking about “I’d bail you out of jail if I could but I’m in the cell next to you ’cause I got you into this mess and by God I WILL get you out” friends. Um – just to clarify, I’ve never actually been in jail but this is the level of deep connection I’m talking about. Just to clarify once more: no jail. Ever. ‘Kay. Thanks. Moving on.)

Now, I wonder – what does that really mean in this day of instant communication, email, IMs, webchats, webcams, and iPhones? Does it really matter anymore that Beck and Sue are in North Carolina and Georgia, respectively? Does it matter that I see Nat only once a year, when she and her brood pack up and hit the condo for a week of sand? Is it really that big a deal that these and other wonderful women and men are removed from me physically for vast portions of time?

Yes. Yes, it does matter. There is nothing better than, and there is no substitute for, late nights that end at the Waffle House with sore ab muscles from laughing too much. Sorry if you thought I was going to write something different, but this is how I feel.

But, in another sense — no, it doesn’t matter to the friendship itself. They are still dear friends, and the bond we share isn’t broken by time or distance. This is my definition of “friend”; others may have a somewhat looser take on the word and that’s fine, too. But for me, the ones who are “there” for me, in whatever sense they can be, when it isn’t convenient — those are my friends.

And this year, I am grateful for them in a way I haven’t been in a long, long time: deeply, profoundly, in a way that transcends words. They have, with their stupid chain emails and silly musical e-cards and ridiculous news clips about dogs who shoot their owners, gotten me through this very difficult year with sanity and humor intact. And I appreciate them all.

I also appreciate the ones I may never meet — my ‘net friends, who sometimes seem more “real-life” than those coffee-shop-line and lunch-buddies. Chuck, Carolyn, Gini, jennifer, Katie, Kimber, Heather, George from Thailand … and so many more. Remarkable people I would never have gotten a chance to know in another life. I am grateful for you, too.

No, it has nothing to do with the law, or being a lawyer, except that, I think, it is our sense of service to others that help transform us from good lawyers to great ones. And I am reminded every day that it’s those connections to others that give life its beauty and grace.